Dear Abby: Woman is dissatisfied with her birthday gifts…and with the giver

DEAR ABBY: My husband took me on a trip for my birthday this year, only he didn’t prepare for anything other than a few sightseeing events. He didn’t help plan camping, didn’t plan well financially for souvenirs or if we wanted to eat out, and had a crappy attitude the entire time. At almost every event we attended, we got into arguments because he either disagreed with my preferences or objected to me calling him out for sulking.

I’m upset because this was supposedly a “make-up circle” on his part because he ruined my birthday years ago and because we had some pretty terrible arguments leading up to my birthday. I had tried to back out, but he convinced me to go. My actual birthday was the day after we got home. He ignored me all day and we got into another argument. We had a few friends over, but overall I was pretty upset and felt unloved by him.

When I brought it up the next day, he told me that no one should get a “birthday week” and called me ungrateful and unappreciative of his efforts. Am I wrong for being upset? This was supposed to be his birthday present to me, but it felt more like I was taking him on a trip he didn’t want to go on. — BIRTHDAY GIRL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GIRLS: It is possible that, in your husband’s opinion, your expectations for your birthday are excessive. Have you two argued about more topics than birthday parties, and if so, for how long?

I suggest you ask your doctor (or your health insurance provider) to recommend some licensed marriage and family counselors to speak safely from the sidelines and avoid crossfire. There are healthier ways to handle conflict in relationships than the way you both do it.

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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and created by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.