Whether taken or single, it’s never too late to reinvent your sex life

As I stand in a dark sex shop, I try not to laugh out loud at some of the truly strange devices hanging on the wall.

My friend, who is inspecting a huge dildo across the room, looks equally confused.

We’re here with a mission: to find a sex toy we can use together, something we’ve never done before.

Our sex life is already going pretty well, but it’s become a bit routine, and when he suggested we visit an adult store together, I was sold on the idea.

I grab a leather whip from the wall and run it over my hand – before slapping it across my wrist. It feels surprisingly gentle.

“Let’s get this,” I tell him. As he looks over, his eyebrows raise, but a smile soon follows.

As we pay for our new leather toy, I feel a little silly, but quickly push the thought aside. None of us have ever used an item like this before and the thought of trying it out, whether we love it or loathe it, excites me.

(Spoiler: Even though this was many years ago, I still remember it being very naughty and fun; the leather left a wonderful tingle on my butt.)

With that in mind, it’s never too late to take a risk and change your sex life with something new.

As we get older, most of us inevitably adjust to our sex lives. People like routines and quick, easy ways to enjoy themselves, and we also lead busy lives with stress about work, mortgage payments, kids, and more.

Basically, we’re exhausted and stress-free sex is always tempting. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that we prefer the same position over and over again instead of opening the Kama Sutra.

We can’t get the leather whip out every day or we wouldn’t get anything done.

While there’s nothing wrong with having a formula that you return to again and again, it can cause bedroom activities to stall. And that sometimes you lose sight of your true sexual self.

Unfortunately, over the years I’ve spoken to many people, young and old, who confess to feeling stuck in their bedroom activities.

Some of them shy away from trying new things out of fear or shame – especially if it involves a sex act outside the norm. Others have forgotten who they are in bed or think the sex is “good enough” so why bother making it great?

But just because it serves its purpose doesn’t mean it’s as good as it should be.

I can understand these feelings, but exercising caution in and out of relationships has actually served me well over the years.

To give another example, not long ago I was visiting a friend on the other side of the world. We were at a bar when I decided to take a look at one of the dating apps on my phone.

By chance I found a match with a British expat. He was very sweet, but more importantly, his banter was excellent.

The problem was: I felt a little uncomfortable in my life at that time. I had a stressful year and sex wasn’t a priority for me.

So I longed to shake things up and feel like the “old” me for a night. The brave, carefree, fearless me who desperately just wanted to have fun.

An hour later, I put my friend in a taxi to go to her boyfriend’s house, promising to contact her as soon as I got to the stranger’s house. I also shared his address.

That night I had the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. Not only was this man particularly sexually talented, but we also had a really great connection. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes two bodies just fit together really well. We had sex for hours and the conversation was flowing.

It was so good that I came back the next evening for round two. I still remember riding the bus to his house, giddy with excitement at the prospect of seeing my lover again.

Ultimately, if you don’t take the chance, you’ll never know. It’s about allowing yourself the thrill that comes with the unknown and the space and freedom to try something new.

Many people assume that once they’re a full-fledged adult having regular, enjoyable sex, they’re done.

If you’re happy with this setup, I’m not here to mess up your game.

But if you’re craving something new, don’t let your past hold you back. Don’t assume it’s as good as it gets.

Never had a threesome? If the thought fills you with excitement, maybe it’s time to give it a try.

Have you been afraid of anal sex? That’s okay, we all start somewhere.

Of course, when you’re in a relationship, embarking on a new sexual journey can be a little difficult. But if you do it with care, respect and small steps, it is absolutely doable – I know that very well.

I have had partners who were more experienced than me and vice versa. The biggest tip I can give you is to remember that everyone has personal boundaries and it is never okay to cross them.

But that doesn’t mean you should keep quiet about your desires.

A great way to achieve this is to simply chat about fantasies and things you’ve never tried before. Maybe make a list together and then check off which ones you want to try together. If the answer is “no,” that’s okay, just move on. Part of the fun is finding what works for both of you.

You deserve to be who you want to be in bed, and that goes for your sexual partner too, whether they’re a single partner or the love of your life.

With the New Year on the horizon, this is the perfect time to rediscover your pleasure.

Welcome your new sexual self with open arms.

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