“Fight for Better:” Survivor weighs in on the holiday that sees violence between intimate partners on the rise

If you or someone you know is a victim of intimate partner violence, call the 24-hour toll-free Assaulted Women Helpline at 1-866-863-0511 or visit Sheltersafe.ca to find an emergency shelter in your area to find proximity.

For more than two decades, Andrine Johnson spent her everyday life dressing up in front of her loved ones.

“I played this strong face … because I didn’t want anyone to know,” she said.

Behind closed doors, the then-teen mother of two said she suffered financial, emotional and physical abuse from multiple partners.

She was too afraid of what would happen if she called the police on her black partners and says she was forced to live in silence by her tormentors.

“It was very heartbreaking. Very scared. There was just no escape,” she said.

Sometimes, she says, a single word was enough to escalate a situation.

“I remember being abused during my pregnancy. I remember my head being slammed into a wall. Getting kicked.”

Johnson remembers an argument with her partner in which she used the word “stupid.” The next thing she remembers is waking up in the hospital with a broken nose.

When questioned by concerned doctors and family members, she had an excuse.

“When they asked me who did it, I lied. I said, “Oh, I got attacked by some girls.”

The problems did not subside during the holidays. Johnson would avoid holding gatherings in her own home to keep her experiences of abuse private.

“Instead of (my family) coming to my house, I went to theirs. You act like that. You play the game,” she said.

After a “heartbreaking” series of years that included the birth of a premature baby girl who later died, Johnson found her smile had visibly faded.

One day when she looked in the mirror, she had set herself a goal that would later become her motivation to escape.

“I want my smile back,” she thought.

Almost half a decade has passed since she separated from her last tormentor, Johnson sat in her office and told her story.

As she spoke in a firm and unwavering voice, she thought about other women who dare not speak about their abuse at all.

For people who still live with their abusers, the holidays can sometimes lead to situations that boil over.

“During this time of year we have seen an increase in calls and an increase in violence,” said Carla Neto, executive director of Women’s Habitat in Etobicoke.

Neto says daily crisis calls to her organization have doubled this December.

There has also been an influx of women wanting to stay at her shelter, which has been full for some time.

According to Neto, intimate partner violence occurs all year round. However, more victims report these incidents during the holidays.

Proponents say there are a number of reasons that keep coming up.

Financial stress is a big problem.

“We hear from survivors that the increased cost of living means abusers are using the circumstances to manipulate women and force them to do certain things in order to gain access to financial resources,” said Priya Shastri, program director at Woman Abuse Council Toronto.

This stress could be compounded by expenses such as buying gifts.

Social pressures, such as the need to host or attend events, could also contribute to the increase in reported violence around the holidays, Shastri said.

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This can often lead survivors to reduce interaction with family and friends or avoid gatherings altogether and isolate themselves instead.

“Who wants to go to Christmas dinner and have to explain why they have bruises? Neto said.

Problematic substance use and prolonged indoor time with drug addicts also contribute to the problem, Shastri said.

In the first 15 days of December, Toronto police received 689 reports of intimate partner violence.

That’s already more than 90 percent of the incidents reported throughout December last year, with 757 reported this month.

The total number of incidents reported to the TPS so far this year is 17,312.

That number doesn’t surprise advocates, but they say it doesn’t tell the whole story.

According to the latest data from Statistics Canada, 80 per cent of victims of domestic violence do not report the incidents to the police.

This means that the majority of victims, 79 percent of whom are women, suffer in silence.

Fear of speaking out is a big reason why it’s important for the public to recognize the signs of gender-based violence long before physical abuse begins, according to Shastri.

“Some of the things you’re seeing is a certain level of social isolation. So individuals who cancel events. You may notice signs of anxiety, nervousness or depression.”

Johnson says she knew she had to stay alive for her daughter.

“I didn’t want to become a statistic,” she said.

When she finally plucked up the courage to escape, Johnson found refuge in a women’s shelter.

She worked three jobs to eventually secure her own housing and remembers how dismissive staff at other social services were to her needs.

They assumed that as a black woman she was somehow tougher than others and less likely to be a victim of violence.

“It was dehumanizing,” she said.

As CEO of Embrave, an organization supporting survivors of gender-based violence in Peel Region, Johnson and her team are forging a path to safety for survivors that her younger self struggled to ensure.

She tries to make survivors feel dignified when they ask for help and tries to break the cycle of retraumatization that women go through when they finally muster the courage to escape.

Her other way of giving back, she says, is to share her story and be “a voice for the voiceless.”

While her journey to help other survivors is far from over, Johnson told Global News that she managed to accomplish a delicate goal.

“I got my smile back.”